Reblogged with permission from Jem D'jelal, the original author of this content, as a contributor to blogagility.com. Originally published on LinkedIn July 23, 2017.
Jem D’jelal Coaching individuals & teams to find “better” ways of working.
1.Distance yourself from anything controversial
You need to make yourself look attractive to companies who don’t want to change. This means it’s dangerous to quote anyone who makes you think out side of the box. Tobias Mayer is a particularly dangerous source of information..
2. Always go with the flow – NEVER be fearless
Although speaking your mind openly may save your client or company incredible amounts of money through identifying waste & dysfunction – that is not the point. Your focus here is to preserve yourself, drop the “I care act” & make sure getting & keeping the highest paid contract role is your focus. Priorities!
3. Be all things to all men (& women)
ScrumMaster/ProductOwner/BarTender? No problem! Calling yourself a Prince2 extraordinaire with “agile thinking” is also a genius move to keep you competitive. The more things you can be at the same time, the more people you will be able to please. Blend those conflicting acronyms together & if people have an opinion about you – they’re one of the agile rebels & that’s great because you want to stay away from those people anyway!
4. Talk about the importance of empowerment, but remember to ONLY talk.
Servant leadership is a term that you need to keep using, not believing in silly! You need to create the perception that you want to help the people doing the work find their voice. Now in “reality” we can’t actually make that stuff work because it may put us at risk as we’d need to confront dysfunction. Just use the buzz words to the developers but tell the managers “you know how to get practical”.
5. Sitting on the fence is a key strength
Scrum, Kanban, SAFe, DSDM, Traditional Project Management, Adaptive thinking, Predictive Thinking, Software, Manufacturing, war, peace ….it’s all the same thing! Just agree with everything as this way you’ll not have to develop a back bone & keep everyone happy.
*Note: If you’re going to have strong opinions, make sure it’s about those people who are actually trying to remove dysfunction or call out challenges. These people aren’t politicians, they care – stay well away from them.
6. Get ON your high horse about the “Extremists”
The best way to show tolerance is to show your intolerance of others! That might sound hypocritical but that’s not the point. Ultimately you’re all about self preservation & making everyone feel “ok” in their comfort zone. This won’t amount to much change necessarily but you will get to stay in your job longer – and that’s the point! Ensure you play it safe with all of your posts, “likes” & anything which may indicate authenticity. Dangerous, dangerous stuff!
A word to the wise
Please make sure that you don’t hit the “Like” button on this article as it may blow your cover!
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